There are so many things that we can learn in the Transfiguration. But, as I was reading and meditating on this passage I just kept thinking about how Jesus allowed those 3 to witness this event. He chose these 3 for some reason, and although they seemed confused about what was going on, he wanted them to develop a deeper and more clear view of who Jesus is.
It made me think about the times that I have had to open myself up to others and share who I am with them. To become vulnerable to others, at different degrees of closeness, has become important for me to see the joy and hope that comes with letting others develop a more clear view of who I am.
Being vulnerable is difficult. Not just being vulnerable with others, but to be vulnerable to yourself and God. I have learned that being vulnerable allows me and countless others to grow in hope, and to build the community.
In October of 2007 I woke up thinking it was going to be another day in the classroom. As I was standing up, my back gave out and I fell to the ground. 45 minutes later I was finally standing and got dressed for work. I went to work thinking I was going to deal with the excruciating pain because I didn’t want to allow anyone to feel sorry for me. That lasted about an hour until I couldn’t handle it any longer.
Within a few months I began using a cane just so I could walk. It was so humiliating. However, it was harder to be vulnerable and share my heart with others and to allow others to serve and love me. I remember 2 very special moments.
First, a student came to school with 2 dishes of food for me. He took time that evening to go shopping and to make the dish. This is was not a student that enjoyed my class, and struggled a lot with not arguing with everything I said. But, I remember him thanking me for being open and acknowledging that things like cooking was difficult. He appreciated knowing there was a way that he could show me how much he appreciated me teaching the faith and to be willing to show how it can be lived out in life. My students told me that they are always shown that being vulnerable and sharing a struggle is a weakness, and it is very bad to let others serve you. They felt they were told to serve others but not to ever let others serve them.
The other time happened at Mass. I was sitting at the end of the pew so that I wouldn’t have to walk very far for communion. The Church I went to had many Eucharistic ministers that were in high school. As they were moving to their space, one student started walking toward me. He knew that it was quite difficult to walk, so he took the initiative to approach me and allow me to receive communion without moving. It was one of the most powerful moments for me. I was blown away by his willingness to recognize that I was in the area and that I would appreciate it. But, it was also so embarrassing the first time. I had managed to get to church early enough that I could hide the cane so that people around me couldn’t tell immediately that something was wrong. But, he did something uncommon. He walked past his “spot” which caused many people in the congregation to draw attention to him. He stood there with a smile on his face knowing that he was surprising me with his kindness which caused me to burst into tears…drawing even more attention to me. It forced me into a situation where I had to be vulnerable even to strangers. I had to let people know that I was hurting.
These 2 experiences, along with countless others, opened me up to know myself more. It became even more clear that I don’t want any attention drawn to me. I can’t stand it. But, I have to learn to let attention to be paid to me. I also saw in a beautiful way how humbling it is to have to ask for help and to let others help me. It really opened me up to see the beauty in allowing others to serve me and help me.
Those things have been very important to me over the years. And, in the process I have been given creative ways to love others in return and to learn that I am beloved regardless of what I can do.
As the years have passed, being vulnerable is still hard but I have grown to appreciate the strength I have been given to be willing to be vulnerable. To acknowledge that I’m in chronic pain at every moment of every day. The allow people into the inner self of April and share the emotional struggles that are part of everyone’s lives.
My friendships and family relationships have grown significantly. I have developed some very important and deep friendships, and I’m blessed to have been given that opportunity. I have learned so much about my best friends and their love for me, as well as their appreciation of me and the need they have for me to be a person of support to them.
I am legitimately blown away by how much I can count on my best friends.
I’ve also developed a huge understanding and respect for all that my parents have done and continue to do. They are the most sacrificial people I know. And, my siblings have clearly learned that and show that by their love of me but also how much that LOVE and sacrifice for their families.
Vulnerability is hard!
It means that someone can use that information to hurt you. You have to learn to trust others. You have to be willing to offer information that can be used against you. You have to learn that you are human.
Vulnerability is also beautiful!
It allows you to be you and to let others know you! It allows you to find a deeper level of peace and joy! It allows others to show you hope! It allows you to be a stronger part of communities.
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