Behold, now is an Acceptable time

Joel 2:12-18; 2 Corinthians 5:20-6:2; Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18

Ash Wednesday has always been a day of great mystery and promises for me. Mysterious because we talk so much of dying, saying no to things, and cleaning your soul. It seemed so morbid. And to top it off, ashes are placed on our forehead and we are reminded that we come from dust and will return to dust. I wasn't sure I really wanted to understand it much. As I have gotten older I have come to appreciate and look forward to Lent. It is a time of dying to our old ways and learning again who we are in Christ.

The Bible passages today are so profound, and inspire me to reflect on how I can make this Lent a time of great renewal and penance.

In the Gospel, Jesus teaches us about the 3 ways we should focus our penance during Lent; through prayer, fasting, and alms-giving. These three practices help us to get away from being so self-centered and self-critical. 

Praying is an act of growing in relationship with God. This is done not just through our words, but through listening. We spend so much time speaking when we pray. Taking time to work on our prayer life helps us to grow in our listening, and answering the promptings from God. He wants to speak words of love, encouragement, and share his desire for you. He wants us! He loves us! and He wants us to know this deeply. We are beloved by God. Working on our prayer life, we learn how to hear those words from Him more readily. This helps us to not only live each day, but to find ways to thrive each day, knowing that God loves us. 

I've seen this a lot in my life, especially when I was disabled. I couldn't do anything. Even sitting in a chair was difficult. I couldn't work, I had a hard time sleeping, and I needed so much help just in simple daily tasks. It is a very daunting life, and I didn't know if that stage would ever end. This is true for so many people that find themselves in that stage of life. I was so full of thinking about myself and the things that were taken away from me, that I didn't focus on who God knows me to be. As I made myself grow in my prayer life, I began to see the person that I am now. How I could use the struggles I had been given for good. More importantly, I was able to see more clearly just how much I mean to our beloved Father. 

I started to gain a more positive outlook at life again. Not only did my attitude change, but I also saw a significant increase in my relationships with my family. I relearned what it meant to be me, as an individual, as a member of my family, and as a member in society. I recognized a greater appreciation in enjoying things more. I stretched myself in what I thought I knew about me. In the process I think I became a more faithful and joyful person. Not only was I reminded of my wonderful strengths, but I also learned that I was creative and enjoyed painting and just making things. I learned how deeply I enjoyed board games and learned that I could still enjoy them in the physical state I was in. I learned just how nerdy I was when it came to movies and tv shows. I also learned that although I enjoy sharing those things with others, I really do like who I am and can actually enjoy doing those things alone.

I think my prayers helped me to stop seeing myself as someone that has to do things to be valued, and instead to see the beauty that God sees in me at every moment. I relearned that my value as a person had not diminished, and that no matter what physical state I was in, I was wanted. I started to not only learn how to accept my life but to find ways to prosper. This really helped me to challenge myself to really see others the same way. And, that dramatically changed my desire to leave my house, even in the midst of so much physical pain, because I wanted to witness the wonder and beauty of my family and friends flourish. I have amazing people in my life and didn't want to miss an opportunity to witness their joy, laughter, silliness, strength, and beauty...as well as walk with them in their struggles as they walk with me in mine.

During Lent, we are given a time to grow in our relationship with God. To break down the barriers we have built. To open ourselves up to listening to His words and promptings. To allow Him to speak his goodness and beauty to us. To be reminded that we are beloved and wanted. And to share that truth with others. In a time where there is so much pain, trauma and confusion, let us be bearers of the light. 

As Paul says in 2 Corinthians, "we are ambassadors for Christ". In order to be good ambassadors we have to deeply know Him, and be in relationship with Him. How will you find a way to grow in your prayer life this Lent? How can you share the truth with others so that they will understand more deeply their beauty and goodness and the love that God wants them to feel? 

The beauty in going backwards

Going backwards to go forward

Some things I've learned in a new way over the last year:

--It is necessary at times to go backwards in order to move forward. To remember, and love, the person you were to be able to live more freely.

--Speaking forgiveness is stronger than just forgiving those who have hurt you.

--Prioritizing and re-prioritizing people into your life. Especially family.

--the importance of listening to your best friends.

I have had to jump in feet first into these realities. Man, has it been life-giving. My best friends have helped me to see the need to do these things, and I will forever be grateful for their love and support.

Dealing with, and ignoring, the guilt of not prioritizing some important friendships through the years, I have seen the beauty in re-establishing them. It has opened me up to getting through some of the tough things I've held on to.

Sometimes being vulnerable is more than opening up to others. It can also be necessary to be vulnerable with yourself. It has helped me to be more open to what I need in my life, the ways I fall short, and how to recognize the ways that people are speaking truth and love to me that I may not have been able to see in the past.

I have been blessed in many ways this past year. In maintaining, and prioritizing, the friendships I've been developing, as well as re-establishing, and growing, friendships that I haven't done a good job at in the past. 

But, more importantly, is working through how to prioritize my relationships with myself and with God. I'm still a huge work in progress, but I am constantly surprised but the ways God loves me into freedom.

I pray that you can find ways to open yourself up to more love and vulnerability. And that God will surprise you in ways unimaginable.

Sunday Prayer-Light overcomes the darkness

Lord Jesus, thank you for being the Light. Thank you for dispelling the darkness. Help us to remember all that you have you told us about the hope we can have in You. As we have a moment of light, joy, hope, and celebration in the midst of this season of penance, we thank you for the reminder that your suffering and crucifixion brings your Resurrection. Thank you for not allowing the darkness to overcome.

We praise you all of our days. Amen.

Praying through Lent: First Thursday reflection

I have always found today's daily readings to be not only a challenge to me, but also a great source of consolation and comfort.

The response, 'Blessed are they who hope in the Lord!' What else is there really? Hope! We have hope! The Lord has promised us so much, and had given us a path to Holiness! We should have hope that God makes everything beautiful, both successes and hardships.

The first reading is all about how following the commandments will lead to life: true, lasting, perfect, joyful life! 

"I call heaven and earth today to witness against you: I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. Choose life, then, that you and your descendants may live, by loving the LORD, your God, heeding his voice, and holding fast to him. For that will mean life for you,

a long life for you to live on the land that the LORD swore he would give to your fathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."

And then we have the Gospel reading in which Christ tells us that if we want to follow him we must deny ourselves and take up our cross and follow him.

Lasting life requires selflessness. It requires that we accept the crosses in our lives, and follow Christ. It is in being faithful to the Lord, that we find true peace and joy. But, it is hard. To deny ourselves takes work. God has known that. He gave us commandments to help us. The acts of penance: prayer, fasting and alms giving help us to get back on track. 

Let us take time this Lent to work hard on ourselves. And as we follow Christ to his crucifixion, we will be more open and ready to join him in his Resurrection.

Praying through Lent: Ash Wednesday

Prayer for Ash Wednesday:

   Lord Jesus Christ you gave your life for the salvation of all people. For you have been merciful to us, and have given us the way to joyful hope in you.

We beg you to pour your mercy on us while we journey through this season of prayer, fasting, and alms giving. We are all sinners, and desire to reform our hearts and lives so that we may receive your graces with our whole being. Help us to be humble in our words and actions. We seek to find you in the silence and to sharpen our faith through these acts of penance.

     During this Lenten season, may we be a blessing to others and ambassadors of your love, your sacrifice, and your mercy.  

"Behold, now is a very acceptable time; behold, now is the day of salvation."

We ask all of this in your most holy and perfect name. Amen.

The strength in faith and hope

June 26-the day that I really had to let go.

Earlier in the year I develop major problems in my neck. I learned, in March, that the curvature in my neck was gone, I have degenerative discs, a torn disc, and mild to moderate spinal stenosis. Although I had to make a number of modifications to work and personal life, most people weren’t aware of the intensity of the struggle.

In late March, something happened to my lower back. I was no longer just dealing with chronic pain in my lower body, but there was an additional weakness and numbness in my back and legs. I found out in June and July that I have developed arthritis in some of my joints in my spine, and I have developed a number of complications from my surgery 10 years ago.

June 26 I had to let go. I had to let go of the fear of applying for long-term, and possibly Social Security, Disability. I had to let go of my current reality of independence. I’ve had to let go of my humility as I have to show ‘the world’ that I’m struggling.

June 26, I had to ask for some time off work. I know that it was easy for people to see the pain from my lower back, but I was struggling too much with office work and not being able to use my hands and arms the way I needed. I have applied for, and waiting an answer from the disability group, and then will have to deal with the reality that comes next.

I had to get out of the boat and put complete trust in a loving God to take care of all of these things.

There are so many uncertainties and questions. I do feel very blessed that I have my faith and hope to help me take each step. But, there are days I begin to drown in my fears and worries. 

That is when I’m especially grateful for my Sunday obligation, habits of prayer, and loving support that is my buoy. 

TRINITY SUNDAY: BLESSED WITH LOVING RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships, love, sacrifice

This weekend we celebrated both Memorial Day and Trinity Sunday. During Mass, the priest reminded us that God is a relationship. A Trinitarian relationship. Of complete love. And that love is so massive that it pours outward. It is a creating love. Through this love, all things were created. It is a sacrificial love. Through this love, we all have the ability to live in eternal unity, relationship, with God. It is a powerful, forceful, energizing love. Through this love, we are able to be in relationship with others, to care for other people and things, and to desire to sacrifice for others.



'Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.'—St. Teresa of Calcutta


I really am very blessed. Growing up I was blinded to the amount of love and support I received from my family and friends. I feel like I am still unwrapping all of the amazing blessings I received.
But, I am not sure if I would really understand how much I had growing up, and still have, without the love of my close friends now. My best friends really are an unexplainable blessing to me. None of this is to discount the unfathomable amount of things my parents, and family, has done and the intense blessings I have been given through them…but it has helped me to recognize it more.

Let me explain.

Wanting to “be independent” my friends have spent the last 10 years making multiple sacrifices for me. Allowing me to live with them, helping me dress, visiting me in the hospital, helping me clean my house, helping me move, listening to me, helping me through situations, allowing me to be me, encouraging me to be me especially when I don’t want to, teaching me to not stress things too much, helping me enjoy life, and just all around teaching me the true meaning of love. There are countless things I have learned from my best friends, and the children of the ones that have children, but I hope and pray that they know just how much I appreciate them and hope that I am even ½ as great of a friend to them as they are to me.

Through these friends I’ve been able to become friends with a number of other people. Families, priests, young adults. It has been so amazing getting to witness the love these people have for one another, for me, and how much joy they bring to my life. It has been a great gift to surround myself with amazing people that are willing to open up their heart to me as well, and allow me to be a witness to them as they are to me. But, it also makes me very happy getting to see my best friends developing amazing relationships with others. It is so beautiful to see Christian friendships blossom.

Growing up, and often still today, I took for granted all of the sacrifices my parents have made for us. From the physical, financial, emotional, and social…my parents listened to their vocation and allowed countless lives to be touched. They have never walked away from any of us. It reminds me of a quote of St. Maria Goretti on the love of God: “He loves, He hopes, He waits. Our Lord prefers to wait Himself for the sinner for years rather than keep us waiting an instant.” My parents’ love is a great reflection on the love of God.

When my parents are presented with an opportunity to support us, they seem to jump on it so fast it is like they already had it planned. Even with their grand kids, and even though they are getting more exhausted in general, they sacrifice so much. They have given us a model on how to find and choose joy no matter what. And, they have given us a model on how to sacrifice for others. Seeing these attributes in my friends and myself, I have been able to see how they have always been part of my life.

The example of my parents, I believe, is what led me to offer myself to God when I was younger as an offering for others that suffer. It is their sacrifice, and support they give to their children to love others, that continues to help me to offer myself for the suffering of others.


'If you really want to love Jesus, first learn to suffer, because suffering teaches you to love.'—St. Gemma Galgani


It is the joy of my family and friends that help me to choose joy, deep down true joy. To be a faithful witness of the love God. To find ways to be supportive of my family and friends through their struggles, and to try to be a witness to my nieces, nephews, and the children of my friends on how to grow in Christian holiness. I have countless stories of how the relationships I've been blessed with, from my family, friends, coworkers, students, and strangers have shaped and helped me to become who I am.

There are so many times I find it hard to accept the life and vocation I am currently called to. But, God has given me people throughout my life to encourage me to grow closer to Him, and closer to others, so that I can give thanks in all circumstances.

It is hard, but it is worth it.

'If I should become sick and unable to work, then I shall be like the Lord on the cross. He will have mercy on me and help me, I am sure.'—St. Kateri Tekakwitha

I have been blessed with beautiful relationships, but the greatest relationship I have is with my Lord and God. The relationships I have with my family and friends are tiny compared to the love God has for me and the desire he has to spend eternity with me. Through His creative, powerful, sacrificial love, He allows me to love myself and others and find ways to share His love with the world. 

I really am very blessed.