Carrying our Crosses

Today's readings: Deuteronomy 30:15-20; Luke 9:22-25

Crosses are very painful things to carry. But, when we offer our cross to Christ, he is able to bring the greatest good from the pain. Christ is telling us today what it takes to be happy, fulfilled. To be completely fulfilled, we have to let Him fill our hearts. That happens as we empty ourselves of pride and selfishness. It seems weird how often we struggle with giving our life to Christ. Why do we hold on to the hurt so much? Why aren't we as willing as Christ to carry our cross?

I am reminded of two people when I think about what Jesus says in today's Gospel:

   If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?

Those two people are my grandpa and one of my nephews.

Today, my grandpa is getting buried in California. I remember him being a very confident man and always wanting to make sure that things were done a certain way. Him and I had a great relationship and I felt he always had my back. But, I also remember him being a difficult man. In fact, many people struggled to keep a relationship going with him. He struggled a lot when my grandmother died in 1996, and it seemed that he never really felt at home anywhere. He moved around a lot, in hopes of finding that one place where he could truly find comfort. It took many years, but in the end he found great comfort in letting go of the pain. Although we knew he struggled a lot with this pain, he tried to not let it control the outcome of any day. He was a strong man and loved to help wherever he could. Whenever asked how he was, his response was always "fantastic". He would say that although he had struggles that he was working through, he knew that today was going to be good. I always felt that even if he didn't admit it to anyone, he was working on denying himself and trying to carry his cross. The last weekend I was able to have a conversation with him, he talked about how he was having a lot of physical pain but it was helping him somehow, so he was fantastic. Even when he was angry with God, he was committed to his faith. He continued to work through his frustration, never being satisfied to live in it. A few days before he passed, he shared with one of my brothers that he had found forgiveness in his heart!

I share this because I feel at times I get so frustrated with the crosses I am asked to carry. It is so overwhelming and often times I feel very alone and get frustrated with the "whys". When looking back at those times I find that my attitude and outlook were negative. I put a lot of burdens on myself and at times I don't allow myself to look up at all the people around to help me carry my crosses. I love my grandpa dearly, and had a very close relationship with him. I felt like we could always talk to each other, and I enjoyed hearing any story he wanted to share. There are countless things I have learned from his positive influence in my life. But, I would be lying if I didn't say that I have learned a lot of things from his struggles. The biggest thing is the need to let go of anger and hurt, to allow joy and charity abound more.

The other person that comes to mind is one of my sweet nephews. He was born with muscular dystrophy, which has been affecting him since birth. He has been in a wheelchair for a number of years, and these last few years he has gotten very sick many times. But, that does not seem to stop his inner happiness. He has one of the most kind souls ever. He loves being a kid (well, teenager now). He is so proud of his younger siblings. And he is simply a joy to be around.

My nephew has so many crosses to bear, and I feel like he carries them with such great ease. He is not able to care for himself, and has had to take on total dependency which most teenagers would never allow. He is so humble and gentle. He has such wisdom about life and what the important things are. He has shown me what a super hero really is. I don't understand where he gets his inner strength, but it gives us all strength in the process. 

Whenever I am most in need of a reminder of how to carry my cross, I look to my nephew. I know that I can carry my crosses with pride and joy, allowing God to work through me to help others. 

They have both shaped my life tremendously. Whether it is through the example of admitting my frustrations and working through them, or having such a sincere and joy-filled heart to live for love.

We want to be happy. How do we do that? Each day we must strive ever more to deny ourselves so that Christ can fill us up and transform us from the inside out.

Maybe there is someone in your life that you are called to be an example of joy and happiness to. Maybe you are called to help someone carry their cross, so that their load may be a little lighter. Maybe you are called to let someone in your life to help you carry your cross. Are your eyes open to all the possibilities that you are given?